Sweetheart! just hold me and follow me - this is how we dance

Dance like you have ants in your pants

Dance makes me and my partner Happy! Even my fingers are dancing while writing this story. Yo yo! Like a rapper! Yo yo!

India is famous for many things, its diversity, spicy food, big fat weddings, scorching heat……but one thing I love the most about India and Indians that we are Happy People. So the question is how we express our happiness? We do that by dancing our heart out, dance until we are drenched in our own sweat, until we are exhausted or collapsed, or until or shoes broke down, c’mon I am going to dance barefoot in that case.

I, Zishan publically admit on this day that I love dancing like crazy, not just crazy bollywood dancing that to my Canadian friends is like changing bulbs, monkey dancing, or dancing like you have ants in your pants. Yes, I do all this crazy dancing along with this more formal style like Bhangra. That’s not all, in Canada I have learned some new style Waltz, Tango, Salsa, Twist and turn, Robot dancing, pop and lock, tap dancing. Oops there are other styles too, Shake that Ass, belly dancing, strip tease… haha! Just kidding! I don’t know this style or maybe I do. Haha! :p

Once more thing everyone, dancing is fun, but at the same time it is injurious to your health, you may get bitten by someone, got kicked or punched in face, knees, gut, almost anywhere, gets you in fight, girls and guys hit on you – girls are fine with me, but guys oops wrong number dude. Haha!

Okay! So I went to a dance studio (lets say it was a dance studio:p) in Montreal. Since my feet were dying to hit the dance floor. The studio that night was packed and to my advantage it was freestyle night, so I can do whatever I want to. :D some guys were doing awesome spins and robot dancing, I said fu.. I can’t do that but I can do some crazy mix of Indian and North American move, so I asked my partner to watch me and follow me afterwards. I mixed tap dancing with some bhangra and other freestyle moves. I must admit that it was a little embarrassing for a minute, but then everyone start cheering me up and joined me.  My famous two finger whistle caught attention of everyone, since it was so fu…. loud. Hehe!

My partner joined me, but she said I don’t think I can follow your step. So to please her I switched to ballroom dancing with twists and spin, she was uncomfortable with that too, she left the floor. But no worries another girl joined me, but to my disadvantage she was trained dancer, I was like FML. I got nervous and she said “Sweetheart just hold me and follow me” I don’t know what style of dancing she led me into. But that was awesome but lacking panache. Who cares after 5 minutes, I have gone back to my freestyle dancing and we had great time after that. But fun part my partner just disappeared from that studio I was where the hell is Emma. But then I said who care lets enjoy since that was my last night in Montreal and I to have catch an early morning flight. I was sore next morning and limping instead of walking, even the security official asked do you need a wheelchair and are you okay! I was like if someone asked me what happened what I m going to tell them, I was dancing my ass off on an official trip. Haha!

Dance is life and music is like blood. I have a secret about how I can dance like crazy and for hours. If you want to know secret call me maybe! :D

So you want to dance you know who to call.

I am waiting for the dance club at the UNBC to start again!

The shoe heel, the scar, the coffee, and the cell ph no – Sweet!!!

We just met, but here is my number, so call me maybe!!

So my friends I am telling you a real story about a guy who is a frequent flyer, but he always avoid Delta Airlines ground staff…..why? hehe!! Not yet, I will get there, listen to whole story first. Airport lounges, waiting areas, restaurant, bars, and stores are an awesome way to socialize. But stores…FML (f… my life – for those who don’t know the abbreviate, but now they know how to describe their life in three letters. Isn’t awesome! Haha!) I am f…. shopaholics, holy crap, ask lucky people who have seen my wardrobe. Don’t get jealous! :p okay may be for a second. :p don’t get offended read ahead. :p

Once upon a time there was a guy called Zawesome! Hehe! He love to travel, traveling is a bliss, but sometime you get head butt, scanned 3 times, spend $$$, forget your  laptop bag and gifts, random security check, lost luggage……, silver lining – meet interesting people, make new friends, of course shopping hehe. Anyway Zawesome was traveling to New York for a winter vacation. Air Canada is such a “wonderful” airlines (MF), I have all the fu…. legitimate reasons to curse them. He missed his connection from Vancouver thanks to Air Canada – “I love you Air Canada” I have my middle finger jacked up to salute your services. :p  “Sue me if you can”.

He was running with 15 pound laptop bag and a luggage stuffed like you are trying to fit yourself in your 10^th grade pants, trust me you won’t be able to zip it. :p above all wearing a down jacket, looking like an Eskimo, running like he saw a yeti or sasquatch (oh Canada!). I don’t know why the f…. I had dress shoes on that day, oh wait I remember so that at security he doesn’t have take 2 minutes to tie his shoe laces(again Oh Canada – snow shoes).

He was running and thinking he can still make it to the connecting flight. Run Zawesome, Run Zawesome!! FML here it goes my left shoe heel came off and I am fu….. slipped and my shoe was flying in the air and I was praying don’t hit anybody, don’t hit anybody…it did not…isn’t it great… wait wait for it… the girl at the Delta Airline counter saw me slipped she screamed “oh my God” she ran towards me to check on my well-being. She didn’t saw the fu…. shoe on her way, she stepped on it and guess what she slipped like we slip on ice.. I was fine, I saw her and literally said “oh fu..”. I got up and started limping toward her since I had just one shoe on.  Four of the by passers were just looking at her and I said what the hell you guys are looking at, help her to get up (in my mind – As….s).

Anyways I helped her to get up, I asked are you alright, she replied with a question – r u alright Sir (really sweet girl). I replied I am good, are you doing good, are you hurt somewhere. She said no, but I saw a little bleeding scar on one side of her face. I was like oh man what I have done to this sweet girl. I asked her do you need anything, she said I have a band-aid at my counter, it will be okay. I really felt bad for her! She was really sweet she took me to the shoe store and got my shoe fixed for free, I am not going to disclose the brand of the shoe, but no more this fu….brand.  

She told that I missed my flight, that time I was not concerned about the flight I was concerned that I gave a scar to this sweet girl. I was feeling guilty.

I went to lounge afterwards and came back to the boarding after couple of hours, my good luck or bad luck, she was the one who was boarding the flight that time. I still had like 2 hours to kill, I went to her counter and asked her how she is doing (I am nice guy.. :p). she was alright and about to finish her shift, I don’t why I just asked her – hey you want to grab coffee afterwards – she said yes. I said to myself that’s good I have somebody to talk for a while. She came back after like half an hour, ooo! She is looking good. We talked about so many random things and about our life, how it sucks. Haha! Just kidding! My life is awesome (touch wood) :p. she told me that she has another 3 months with Delta airlines and then she was unsure where she going to work. I apologized for the scar she got because of me. she said don’t worry! I said you look like the harry potter girl version. We both laughed so hard!! Haha!

How the coffee ended? It lasted for about 25 minutes, she give me her no. and said call me if you are in Vancouver again.  I still her number, but unfortunately didn’t have an opportunity to visit Vancouver after that.

I guess whatever happens it is for the good, I got rid of the shoe once I am came back, but I kept the heel as a souvenir. Haha!

So my friends check what you are wearing before traveling, no fu…. dress shoes. You may not be as lucky as I was you might get yourself hurt instead of a number of a pretty girl. Haha!

Say Jambo! Say Jambo! Nothing I am just listening to this song. Say Jambo. Haha!

Travel Safe!

My “awesome” “bizarre” insomniac Zombie roommates!!!

Life in university residence

Starring

Michael Horianopoulos as “Mr. Baker”

Rylee Isitt as “Mr. Pop”

Gregory Pye as “Mr Foul mouth” – well I want to give him another name but…you know Greg what I am talking about. :p

Myself as “Pakora king” - self proclaimed king. :p

Disclaimer – The views expressed in this blog is what author have witnessed over the last few years. If the actors in this story intend to kill me after reading this blog, please hire an assassin from India “Life is very cheap in India” save some money for “education” sake. “hidden intention behind this advice” – I can always buy back the assassin since they all are corrupted. Take that bitch in your face. :p

Cheer up guys! You are going to be famous now!!! I have huge fan following. :p

A day in life of Mr. Foul Mouth (FM)

He woke up late most of the mornings and complains I am fu…. tired dude (damn you FM, you should not be playing games all night). :p he has unique personality, I enjoy his company (I have to write something good about it, otherwise someone is going to get hurt real bad someone…). He is an avid games and enjoy making alcoholic drinks, one heck son of a gun, I mean literally son of a gun, he love shooting people (in the game).

One fine night I was enjoying a movie and like most of the nights FM decide to shoot some people. While he plays video game, you can hear him swearing at the top of his lungs. As. Ho.., mot… fu….$%^$%&^$#@#@*&(*)()$#@. Oh ya! One more thing his accent is so screwed may be just for me, I sometime just say what! What! What! With my mouth wide open.

Another interesting story this little self-proclaimed hard nut scared of spiders. One day I found a small or rather tiny spider in my room and I was talking to my other roommate about the same. FM over heard us and ran out of his room with a wooden sword (oh! he is into martial arts to; I don’t what all crap he is in. I know I am trouble now, he is going to kill me for all this) any ways I don’t give a shit about it. So he came out with his sword and started screaming where is mo…. Fu…. spider, I am going to smack it with my sword. The look on his was quite hilarious as if he practicing martial art for this day only. No matter how much he tries to avoid encounters with spiders, they find him sometime in his tea kettle, shoes, car …..let me just end the day in FM life on a good note. Mr. FM if you found this annoying then “go play hide and seek and …….” This is his favorite quote :p haha! Go! Go! Go!

Love affair with oven - Mr. Baker (Mr. B)

An awesome guy who loves baking, birds, chocolates, bailey, imitating voices, drama, and god knows what all he loves. I love his freshly baked cookies. Too much goody goody stuff, now some interesting thing about him. One night I and Mr. Foul mouth were talking around 1.00 am in the morning next to Mr. B room, we heard loud noises from his room and it scared the shit out of us since it was in some language we are not familiar with. Holy “fu..” my reaction what the “fu..” was that. To me it was like a real life exorcist movie, we went to our respective bed right away. Next morning we asked Mr. B what the fu.. have happened to you last night and he told us that sometime he talks in Portuguese while sleeping. We had similar episode after that, but it does not bother us anymore, but trust me it was freakishly hilarious. So heads up to the new roommates, dudes you are moving in with a sweet zombie. Good luck! Why zombie – during exam days he does not sleep at all and next morning you can see his face, pale with bloody eyes. One more thing he is the funny guy in our suite and wants to be a part of every ding dong and bing bang… I really like him imitating Jim Carrey’s stand up “My crotch wants to buy you a drink madam” just don’t try this as a pickup line Mr. B.: p

Fizz life of Mr. Pop

This name has nothing to do with the candy Mr. Pop, but it is the fluid that runs in his blood stream. I am joking guys, he is not a mutant or is he? Sometime I think he is one of the guys from X-men (keeping in mind his intelligence level). His interests are diverse from photography to building cool stuff from Lego, preparing for dooms day (:p), computer programming…list goes on. He is also the curry king of our suite, last summer our place smell like spices. His curries take forever to prepare, my goodness! He is a geek and got some awesome stuff like $400 water purifier, 2 microscopes, game steering wheel, flight simulator joysticks, all the fu…. tools to build anything literally anything he can build a fu…. plane if he want one. Oh yes! He is a cheap drinker, one or two glasses and he started trembling like a gal walking with high heels for the first time. :p 

Mr. Pop love drinking pop all the time and I believe one day university residence will install a vending machine in his suite since most of the business is coming from him. “Customer is king” :p

Mr. Pakora King (Mr. PK – I prefer Z though)

How did I get this name since I organize pakora party all the time and cook 6-7 different types of pakoras.

What I say about myself, I don’t brag about myself. You all know me, I love sharing everything except one thing…I know how to keep my friends happy. I love dancing and I think I can dance..what you don’t trust me ask my dancing buddy Alishia. :p

Guys!! If you are annoyed with this post then I say “suck it up” :p

What I didn’t hear you “you wants to kill me” – c’mon guys “go play hide and seek and……” haha!

You know me guys “I love you guys and I miss you” thanks for being there for me when I was down in spirits. I remember Mikey hugged me and said Zishan everything is going to be alright and by God everything is going great since then. Oo Please guys don’t start hugging him now, magic works only once. :D

Thanks Guys!

Zumpty dumpty had a great fall – First Skiing experience

Disclaimer: The views expressed in the following lines are not to discourage anybody from trying skiing, but just keep in mind “somebody is gonna get hurt...real badly.....somebody”.  In this blog the uses of the word “F” is quite prevalent, but trust me when you try such recreational sport you will be screaming this word at the top of your lung for the days to come.  Due to explicit contents of this blog, please keep your id ready...:p

Last week I went for skiing for the first time, it was a fine and gorgeous day until I was asked to suit up for snowboarding. Yup I know what you guys are thinking; it is supposed to be skiing, wait for a second I started with snowboarding lessons first and I f... realized it is very hard
(hard remind me of a joke, which I am not going to share. My friend Alishia and Curtis know what I am talking about. Haha!).  So I switched to skiing.

It all started with my instructor telling me to walk around with ski board attached to my boots. It was fine until he told me to go up the hill walking side-ways. Half-way through I said “FML”, “L” being leg not what you guys are thinking, my life is good, it was just my leg that was fu...:p. Anyways, somehow I managed to climb the miniscule hill, instructor asked me to maintain “PIZZA” position. Oh C’mon guys this not the position you are imagining about, it is normal stance you have to maintain for skiing.

I was practicing this for the whole morning and in the afternoon my crazy little buddy “Greg” (why he is crazy that’s a different story altogether, some other time) encouraged me to try and run down the actual hill. I was motivated and pumped, I said f... let’s do it. I went along with another sweet friend “Shenaya” (she is damn good in snowboarding). We took the chair lift and I was enjoying the mesmerizing scenery and here comes the ramp where I have to get off the chair. Fu.. i slipped on the ramp and got up and slipped again, this lasted for a minute, finally I am able to maintain my balance.

Shenaya – c’mon Zishan you can do it. Let’s go down the green run and I said hell ya!   

I went down the hill nice and smooth for fu.... 5 seconds only and it started, I was rolling down the hill. Every fu.... 10-20 meter i fell on my ass since i was struggling to stop. I must admit there are few places where I covered at least 100-150 meters without falling down, that’s was so fu.... awesome.

I got up every time, thanks to Shenaya she was encouraging me and was waiting for me to roll down the hill every time and join her. One flip was so intense that I lost my ski boards and poles, I got up and my first reaction and words were “Mfu...”. I checked every bone in my body...neck ..checked..fine...knees and ankles....checked ..fine.....wrists...checked...fine... and finally some nice words came out of my the then filthy mouth “Thank God”. That was just temporary since my skiing instructor saw me from the distance and screamed “remember Pizza Zishan” I was so pissed I said fu.. you...and your fu.... pizza, talk to the fingers since he promised me a few more tips in the afternoon and never turned up for the same.   Finally I decided to walk down for the rest of the run since I hurt my bumpers and remember I am not a fat ass guy and has less cushion. :p “LMAO”

Wait it is not over yet....the fun part starts after a day or so, when you woke with sore everything, when I say everything i literally mean “everything”. I remember every time I have to go for poop, I screamed fu.......when I sat down on that hard pot ring. I spend most of my next day either standing or sitting on my ass with 2 pillows under it.

Oh man! My knees are still hurting, but it was so much fun and I will do it again, but will have to add more cushion on crash landing runway. I will try and keep fu.... “Pizza” position. I am so glad that I didn’t end-up with some serious injury to my ass, yup I am worried about my ass than any other part of the body. Haha!

Cheers my friends!!!!

A Headbutt on the way – with love from Vegas to Vancouver

Travel Advisory – please do not mess with a passenger sitting next to you especially when it is a woman. It may be injurious to your ear and head. Don’t blame or sue us for not informing you. We informed you, now suck it up . :p

Today, it is time to share a short story about my trip from Las Vegas to Vancouver. Oh man! I will remember this epic and awesome trip forever.

So I was waiting for my flight at the Vegas airport to Vancouver. I spent over 3 hours at the slot machine and all of you know what happen when you spend too much time on a gambling machine. But that’s a different story all together.

Finally the boarding was announced and my pockets started jumping with joy that we going to remain heavy for while (c’mon you are not dumb, you got the joke). Okay for those who don’t get it, I lost $$$ and my pockets were screaming no more! No more please!!

It was a sunny and gorgeous day. I boarded the flight and took my window seat and was very happy until..wait I will get there. Here comes my travel nightmare, the passenger next to me. She was pretty I don’t mind admitting that, I forgot to mention that I am connoisseur and find beauty in everything.  Anyways, we exchanged greetings and she told me her name which I am not gonna disclose (I signed a anonymity contract with her. Haha!). ooooo!! Wait wait one more thing she was wearing a mini skirt – I know guys must be saying oooooooo!! Trust me when the girl next to you is wearing a dress like skirt it is more difficult for you. But the first thing came to mind what the hell, it is like -2 outside and she wearing mini skirt. Then I say oo! she is hot (guys you know what I talking about) and laughed on my thought.

But then she asked flight attendant for a blanket and I had mixed feeling whether I should be disappointed or thank God that she covered her bare legs. :p (c’mon please gals don’t judge me, I am a guy too – haha!). Flight took off and I put on my head phone and was enjoying some Scottish music(that reminds me of last night my buddy Kenny Leslie, he is from Scotland and an awesome singer – woooo go Kenny!!). After about half an hour the pretty gal next to me fell asleep and guess what where on my shoulder, initially I don’t mind since I care about everyone known or unknown. But then her hair started wiggling and it was quite tingling, so I decide to brush her  head off my shoulder very gently.

I did that and I asked for trouble, wait for it wait for it here it come a fu…. Headbutt on the side of my head. Holy crap, mo….. fu….(pardon my language) I felt like a thousand ants bit my ear. But sweetie pie (due to censor I don’t want to use the word I love to call her) was still asleep and still on my fu…. shoulder. I was so afraid to do anything, I thought if I try to confront her or push her head back this time it may not be a headbutt may be she will bite my neck and then a week of questioning from friends about the mark on my neck. I wish I were wearing a turtle neck that day then I could have tried, but no..

I let her sleep on my shoulder for the rest of the journey and I don’t know what the hell she was on she slept throughout the journey. Finally our flight landed and she was still asleep, i did something crazy insist of waking her up I stood up and the impact pushed her head to the next passenger to her right. I thank god that she didn’t say a word to me or hit me. Oo! Man I cannot forget the moment she headbutt me!  I ran out the aircraft without saying a word to anybody, since I was feeling the pain in my ear.

 Once again! Keep in mind the fu… travel advisory.  It is not a joke!!!!! Have a safe and injury free flight..Bon Voyage!

It’s pissing rain - An encounter with a strange weather man

It's pissing rain Dude...

Hello everyone, I am back again…last week I posted about my first day out in PG. So where did I left you guys (hanging :p), Oh Yes!! It is time to share a little story about my first interaction with a complete stranger in the dorm about the weather that day. This short conversation makes me imagine about some bizarre pictures in my mind and a bamboozling riddle.

One fine morning..oh wait was that a fine or bizarre..hmm! I let you guys decide once you are done reading this blog. So don’t just move away from this page yet, finish reading this..please J  yesterday someone complained about that I don’t say the word  “please” very often. Please! Please! please! I think this will do (will it Mike Packham).

Okay guys stop complaining that this damn blogger always beat around the bush and never talk straight. I object my lovely audience..counter argument  “there is no fun walking on a straight line, let’s make it interesting. Sustained or overruled???

I am writing.. I am writing about the story now. I was rushing out to be in a lecture at the university, since it was my first week I was curious to know about the weather outside. In the corridor I saw a guy (sorry dude I do not remember your name, please don’t sue me for copyrights infringement) so I stopped and asked him “hey how is the weather outside, is it raining outside? He looked at me and his head goes up-down-right-left like a bobble head, deep inside I was thinking “oh shit is this guy  is shit head or drunk”. Anyways he finally responded with heavy accent and a rapper style (Yo! dude style) “Dude it’s pissing rain” and I thought did he said what I think he just said “pissing rain”. My reply excuse me, he again said “Dude it’s f…..pissing rain”, now my head was bobbling.

I never heard of such an ironical statement about rain, once he was gone I sat down near the window in the corridor and pondered about what the hell this stranger just said. I am from a country where we believe in rain God, this was beyond my comprehension, but mind plays its own trick. I started imagining that someone is really pissing on our head all the time, may be clouds are like human bladder and when overwhelmed they have to relieve the pain like humans (when you have to pee, you have no other option). But what if it is snowing does that mean “it’s pooping snow” or what about sleet and hailstorm…. I am still unable to resolve this mystery, but thanks to that strange weather man I have something to share with my friends.

So guys don’t let anyone piss or poop on your head, run for a shed or always keep an umbrella, that’s my advice.

  

So much to learn in one day!! damn it!!

Last night, I was at the same street in Prince George (PG) where I got lost when I went out for the first time to do some grocery shopping. Let me tell something about this mystical city up in north of British Columbia, the friendliest people in Canada live in this town. Now back to my story, people say I am a good story teller and I respond I m just sharing what I have experienced travelling around by myself. Also when life gives you lemons, don’t keep them for yourself, you share it with others and let them also enjoy the sweetness in sour taste of lemon. Oh yes!! I am deviating from my blog topic, sorry we all have our moments.

So as all fairy tales starts with ‘once upon a time’ wait ..wait, don’t go too far it was a fall season in 2010.  There was a boy (me) who came to Canada for the first time, he decided to study in a small university in a small cityand now after nearly year and half he is so ecstatic by his timely decision. When he first landed in this small town in British Columbia also known as the gateway to the north. Now, he calls this city “Winter wonderland”, it is as beautiful as Pat Boone’s mesmerizing voice in the winter wonderland song.

Anyways, he decided to go out for grabbing some grocery and essential stuff. He asked his roommate about the direction, bus route and schedule. He hop on to the bus and enjoyed the first shopping experience in Canada. He was really happy until he finished his shopping and went to the register for payment, now you know why is unhappy.  Everyone has to pay for their bills; there are no free lunches in this wonderful world unless you have an Indian friend like me. I laughed so hard after writing the last line. Back to the story, because he was overwhelmed with his new lifestyle, he missed a few important things about the transit system in PG. The buses normally don’t take the same route to comeback; they run in a loop and skip some bus stops. “God bless PG transit”… did I mention that this guy is from India and pretty much spoilt by his parents and affordable house help. He doesn’t know how to cook, wash dishes, and to do laundry. First time he tried to cook an egg he set-off the fire alarm in the suite and don’t know what to do, thank to his roommate Michael (a super nice guy) he woke up and switched off the alarm it was 7.00 am.

That morning I decided that I am going back to India by the next flight, but one quote that keeps me alive is “bad days makes you realize what is the worth of a good day – bad days don’t last forever”  

Now back to the amazing trip to the grocery store, so he missed his bus since he does not know from where to catch the bus back to university. He decided to walk in random direction and it started getting darker and darker and scary since there was nobody to help you for direction to bus stop. I was getting tired carrying all the junk food that I bought, so finally I saw a guy at a distance I ran towards him so that I ask him the direction before he disappear. He saw me running towards him and he started running in different direction, as if he saw a ghost. The first word came out of mouth “OMG” what I m going to do now. I look around and first thing I saw was a gate sign “beware of dog – they can bite you” and I said yes every dog has its day, but it is not today. I decided to ask for help and knocked a door, but nobody answered ….oh god don’t do this to me today (well I said something else, lets keep this blog clean :). After another knock I turned back and  I was about to leave, suddenly I heard something and turned around and saw a lady. Yay!!!! Oops sorry!! My first words to the lady, she laughed and said hi what do you want young boy. In response I told her I lost my way and I am new to the city and can I use your phone to call a cab. She acceded to my request and called a cab for me. Later she invited me to her home and offered me a cup of tea. We talked about how wonderful this city is “that time deep inside I was saying how wonderful are people in this city, so embracing” at the end of our conservation we had a good laugh. I took the cab back home and thanked the lady for her generosity.

I still share this story with my friends and many other stories about this wonderful city i call my canadian home away from my home. Hey guys, pardon my grammar English is my second language.

The next story I am going to post will be “it's pissing rain”