Zumpty dumpty had a great fall – First Skiing experience

Disclaimer: The views expressed in the following lines are not to discourage anybody from trying skiing, but just keep in mind “somebody is gonna get hurt...real badly.....somebody”.  In this blog the uses of the word “F” is quite prevalent, but trust me when you try such recreational sport you will be screaming this word at the top of your lung for the days to come.  Due to explicit contents of this blog, please keep your id ready...:p

Last week I went for skiing for the first time, it was a fine and gorgeous day until I was asked to suit up for snowboarding. Yup I know what you guys are thinking; it is supposed to be skiing, wait for a second I started with snowboarding lessons first and I f... realized it is very hard
(hard remind me of a joke, which I am not going to share. My friend Alishia and Curtis know what I am talking about. Haha!).  So I switched to skiing.

It all started with my instructor telling me to walk around with ski board attached to my boots. It was fine until he told me to go up the hill walking side-ways. Half-way through I said “FML”, “L” being leg not what you guys are thinking, my life is good, it was just my leg that was fu...:p. Anyways, somehow I managed to climb the miniscule hill, instructor asked me to maintain “PIZZA” position. Oh C’mon guys this not the position you are imagining about, it is normal stance you have to maintain for skiing.

I was practicing this for the whole morning and in the afternoon my crazy little buddy “Greg” (why he is crazy that’s a different story altogether, some other time) encouraged me to try and run down the actual hill. I was motivated and pumped, I said f... let’s do it. I went along with another sweet friend “Shenaya” (she is damn good in snowboarding). We took the chair lift and I was enjoying the mesmerizing scenery and here comes the ramp where I have to get off the chair. Fu.. i slipped on the ramp and got up and slipped again, this lasted for a minute, finally I am able to maintain my balance.

Shenaya – c’mon Zishan you can do it. Let’s go down the green run and I said hell ya!   

I went down the hill nice and smooth for fu.... 5 seconds only and it started, I was rolling down the hill. Every fu.... 10-20 meter i fell on my ass since i was struggling to stop. I must admit there are few places where I covered at least 100-150 meters without falling down, that’s was so fu.... awesome.

I got up every time, thanks to Shenaya she was encouraging me and was waiting for me to roll down the hill every time and join her. One flip was so intense that I lost my ski boards and poles, I got up and my first reaction and words were “Mfu...”. I checked every bone in my body...neck ..checked..fine...knees and ankles....checked ..fine.....wrists...checked...fine... and finally some nice words came out of my the then filthy mouth “Thank God”. That was just temporary since my skiing instructor saw me from the distance and screamed “remember Pizza Zishan” I was so pissed I said fu.. you...and your fu.... pizza, talk to the fingers since he promised me a few more tips in the afternoon and never turned up for the same.   Finally I decided to walk down for the rest of the run since I hurt my bumpers and remember I am not a fat ass guy and has less cushion. :p “LMAO”

Wait it is not over yet....the fun part starts after a day or so, when you woke with sore everything, when I say everything i literally mean “everything”. I remember every time I have to go for poop, I screamed fu.......when I sat down on that hard pot ring. I spend most of my next day either standing or sitting on my ass with 2 pillows under it.

Oh man! My knees are still hurting, but it was so much fun and I will do it again, but will have to add more cushion on crash landing runway. I will try and keep fu.... “Pizza” position. I am so glad that I didn’t end-up with some serious injury to my ass, yup I am worried about my ass than any other part of the body. Haha!

Cheers my friends!!!!

A Headbutt on the way – with love from Vegas to Vancouver

Travel Advisory – please do not mess with a passenger sitting next to you especially when it is a woman. It may be injurious to your ear and head. Don’t blame or sue us for not informing you. We informed you, now suck it up . :p

Today, it is time to share a short story about my trip from Las Vegas to Vancouver. Oh man! I will remember this epic and awesome trip forever.

So I was waiting for my flight at the Vegas airport to Vancouver. I spent over 3 hours at the slot machine and all of you know what happen when you spend too much time on a gambling machine. But that’s a different story all together.

Finally the boarding was announced and my pockets started jumping with joy that we going to remain heavy for while (c’mon you are not dumb, you got the joke). Okay for those who don’t get it, I lost $$$ and my pockets were screaming no more! No more please!!

It was a sunny and gorgeous day. I boarded the flight and took my window seat and was very happy until..wait I will get there. Here comes my travel nightmare, the passenger next to me. She was pretty I don’t mind admitting that, I forgot to mention that I am connoisseur and find beauty in everything.  Anyways, we exchanged greetings and she told me her name which I am not gonna disclose (I signed a anonymity contract with her. Haha!). ooooo!! Wait wait one more thing she was wearing a mini skirt – I know guys must be saying oooooooo!! Trust me when the girl next to you is wearing a dress like skirt it is more difficult for you. But the first thing came to mind what the hell, it is like -2 outside and she wearing mini skirt. Then I say oo! she is hot (guys you know what I talking about) and laughed on my thought.

But then she asked flight attendant for a blanket and I had mixed feeling whether I should be disappointed or thank God that she covered her bare legs. :p (c’mon please gals don’t judge me, I am a guy too – haha!). Flight took off and I put on my head phone and was enjoying some Scottish music(that reminds me of last night my buddy Kenny Leslie, he is from Scotland and an awesome singer – woooo go Kenny!!). After about half an hour the pretty gal next to me fell asleep and guess what where on my shoulder, initially I don’t mind since I care about everyone known or unknown. But then her hair started wiggling and it was quite tingling, so I decide to brush her  head off my shoulder very gently.

I did that and I asked for trouble, wait for it wait for it here it come a fu…. Headbutt on the side of my head. Holy crap, mo….. fu….(pardon my language) I felt like a thousand ants bit my ear. But sweetie pie (due to censor I don’t want to use the word I love to call her) was still asleep and still on my fu…. shoulder. I was so afraid to do anything, I thought if I try to confront her or push her head back this time it may not be a headbutt may be she will bite my neck and then a week of questioning from friends about the mark on my neck. I wish I were wearing a turtle neck that day then I could have tried, but no..

I let her sleep on my shoulder for the rest of the journey and I don’t know what the hell she was on she slept throughout the journey. Finally our flight landed and she was still asleep, i did something crazy insist of waking her up I stood up and the impact pushed her head to the next passenger to her right. I thank god that she didn’t say a word to me or hit me. Oo! Man I cannot forget the moment she headbutt me!  I ran out the aircraft without saying a word to anybody, since I was feeling the pain in my ear.

 Once again! Keep in mind the fu… travel advisory.  It is not a joke!!!!! Have a safe and injury free flight..Bon Voyage!

It’s pissing rain - An encounter with a strange weather man

It's pissing rain Dude...

Hello everyone, I am back again…last week I posted about my first day out in PG. So where did I left you guys (hanging :p), Oh Yes!! It is time to share a little story about my first interaction with a complete stranger in the dorm about the weather that day. This short conversation makes me imagine about some bizarre pictures in my mind and a bamboozling riddle.

One fine morning..oh wait was that a fine or bizarre..hmm! I let you guys decide once you are done reading this blog. So don’t just move away from this page yet, finish reading this..please J  yesterday someone complained about that I don’t say the word  “please” very often. Please! Please! please! I think this will do (will it Mike Packham).

Okay guys stop complaining that this damn blogger always beat around the bush and never talk straight. I object my lovely audience..counter argument  “there is no fun walking on a straight line, let’s make it interesting. Sustained or overruled???

I am writing.. I am writing about the story now. I was rushing out to be in a lecture at the university, since it was my first week I was curious to know about the weather outside. In the corridor I saw a guy (sorry dude I do not remember your name, please don’t sue me for copyrights infringement) so I stopped and asked him “hey how is the weather outside, is it raining outside? He looked at me and his head goes up-down-right-left like a bobble head, deep inside I was thinking “oh shit is this guy  is shit head or drunk”. Anyways he finally responded with heavy accent and a rapper style (Yo! dude style) “Dude it’s pissing rain” and I thought did he said what I think he just said “pissing rain”. My reply excuse me, he again said “Dude it’s f…..pissing rain”, now my head was bobbling.

I never heard of such an ironical statement about rain, once he was gone I sat down near the window in the corridor and pondered about what the hell this stranger just said. I am from a country where we believe in rain God, this was beyond my comprehension, but mind plays its own trick. I started imagining that someone is really pissing on our head all the time, may be clouds are like human bladder and when overwhelmed they have to relieve the pain like humans (when you have to pee, you have no other option). But what if it is snowing does that mean “it’s pooping snow” or what about sleet and hailstorm…. I am still unable to resolve this mystery, but thanks to that strange weather man I have something to share with my friends.

So guys don’t let anyone piss or poop on your head, run for a shed or always keep an umbrella, that’s my advice.

  

So much to learn in one day!! damn it!!

Last night, I was at the same street in Prince George (PG) where I got lost when I went out for the first time to do some grocery shopping. Let me tell something about this mystical city up in north of British Columbia, the friendliest people in Canada live in this town. Now back to my story, people say I am a good story teller and I respond I m just sharing what I have experienced travelling around by myself. Also when life gives you lemons, don’t keep them for yourself, you share it with others and let them also enjoy the sweetness in sour taste of lemon. Oh yes!! I am deviating from my blog topic, sorry we all have our moments.

So as all fairy tales starts with ‘once upon a time’ wait ..wait, don’t go too far it was a fall season in 2010.  There was a boy (me) who came to Canada for the first time, he decided to study in a small university in a small cityand now after nearly year and half he is so ecstatic by his timely decision. When he first landed in this small town in British Columbia also known as the gateway to the north. Now, he calls this city “Winter wonderland”, it is as beautiful as Pat Boone’s mesmerizing voice in the winter wonderland song.

Anyways, he decided to go out for grabbing some grocery and essential stuff. He asked his roommate about the direction, bus route and schedule. He hop on to the bus and enjoyed the first shopping experience in Canada. He was really happy until he finished his shopping and went to the register for payment, now you know why is unhappy.  Everyone has to pay for their bills; there are no free lunches in this wonderful world unless you have an Indian friend like me. I laughed so hard after writing the last line. Back to the story, because he was overwhelmed with his new lifestyle, he missed a few important things about the transit system in PG. The buses normally don’t take the same route to comeback; they run in a loop and skip some bus stops. “God bless PG transit”… did I mention that this guy is from India and pretty much spoilt by his parents and affordable house help. He doesn’t know how to cook, wash dishes, and to do laundry. First time he tried to cook an egg he set-off the fire alarm in the suite and don’t know what to do, thank to his roommate Michael (a super nice guy) he woke up and switched off the alarm it was 7.00 am.

That morning I decided that I am going back to India by the next flight, but one quote that keeps me alive is “bad days makes you realize what is the worth of a good day – bad days don’t last forever”  

Now back to the amazing trip to the grocery store, so he missed his bus since he does not know from where to catch the bus back to university. He decided to walk in random direction and it started getting darker and darker and scary since there was nobody to help you for direction to bus stop. I was getting tired carrying all the junk food that I bought, so finally I saw a guy at a distance I ran towards him so that I ask him the direction before he disappear. He saw me running towards him and he started running in different direction, as if he saw a ghost. The first word came out of mouth “OMG” what I m going to do now. I look around and first thing I saw was a gate sign “beware of dog – they can bite you” and I said yes every dog has its day, but it is not today. I decided to ask for help and knocked a door, but nobody answered ….oh god don’t do this to me today (well I said something else, lets keep this blog clean :). After another knock I turned back and  I was about to leave, suddenly I heard something and turned around and saw a lady. Yay!!!! Oops sorry!! My first words to the lady, she laughed and said hi what do you want young boy. In response I told her I lost my way and I am new to the city and can I use your phone to call a cab. She acceded to my request and called a cab for me. Later she invited me to her home and offered me a cup of tea. We talked about how wonderful this city is “that time deep inside I was saying how wonderful are people in this city, so embracing” at the end of our conservation we had a good laugh. I took the cab back home and thanked the lady for her generosity.

I still share this story with my friends and many other stories about this wonderful city i call my canadian home away from my home. Hey guys, pardon my grammar English is my second language.

The next story I am going to post will be “it's pissing rain”